
Here I am folks, liveblogging the Oscars, again! Don't be fooled, there are countless swanky parties I could be at, but I CHOOSE to be here, with you, dear blog reader. Okay fine, I got nothing. Oh it's starting! I'm always surprised by just how much I love Jon Stewart. I love that little look he gives the camera after one of his nastier jokes, the look that says "kidding... yikes".
I can't BELIVE how well Amy Adams pulled of "Happy Working Song"! She walked out there so alone on that big huge stage, no projections of little cartoons rats and roaches or anything to amuse us but her - but she sounded amazing and acted the hell out of it! Props to her! Huge props!
Is it weird that I get really psyched for Outstanding Achievement in Art Direction? Sweeney Todd really deserved it - the whole films was so beautifully, meticulously designed that the less effective factors in the movie were barely even noticable.
Javier Bardem - what a shoo-in. Anyone else notice when Regis called his Xavier Bardem in the pre-show?
Ooh it's the song from August Rush. Maybe this will make me want to see the movie? Uh oh. There's an alto in there who is horribly flat. Wow. These kids can sing. Too bad they get to sing a catchier song to sing at the freakin' Oscars. Oh, it's over. Nope. Still don't want to see August Rush.
A bee montage? The periscope montage from earlier got me all confused. I can't tell if these are joke montages or not anymore.
Supporting actress time. Oscar loves little girl thesps, but Oscar also loves cross-dressing... who will it be?!?! (Fingers crosses for Amy Ryan)... Ah, but Oscar also loves a class-action lawsuit, so Tilda Swinton wins. She looks like a very beautiful grasshopper. And she's talking about her agent whose got Oscar's ass! Brian Swardstrom of Endeavor is getting a lot of ass-related texts right now.... and hey, a little googling reveals that he DOES look like the Oscar! Here he is with my girlcrush Eva Green in Cannes (courtesy of wireimage):

Mmm Josh Brolin and James McAvoy. Can't... blog... so.... sexy... No Country for Old Men wins Best Adaptation. The Coens are so nerdy and funny! Still thinking about James McAvoy's accent though. Good lord. Ridiculously attractive.
And now, the moment us musical theater superfans have been waiting for, Kristin Chenoweth performing "That's How You Know" from Enchanted! That dress she's wearing is so serious and muted, though. Why? Where's the Disney palette? Where's the fun? Ooh, I don't know about this. I don't feel the magic. I miss Amy Adams! They should have combined both Enchanted songs into one big Dreamgirls-style montage and had Amy do the whole thing.
Julie Christie seems like a big shoo-in, too. But my heart is with Marion Cotillard. YES! YES! YES! She wins! If you haven't seen this film yet, please do. She is luminescent, miraculous, and unrecognizable, she disappears so completely into the character.
Once. "Falling Slowly". They give me chills. Love, just love those two.
You know what's striking about the Best Picture montage? 79 best pictures, and so many of them musicals. Gigi, West Side Story, My Fair Lady, The Sound of Music, Chicago, and more. We are such romantic emotional creatures, we humans, and a truly great movie musical gets us every time. I love that.

Another song from Enchanted? I forgot about this one. Too bad the kid can't really sing. How'd they find a dancer who looks just like Amy Adams? Millions of viewers think it's really her dancing right now. OH my god that high falsetto note was AWFUL! They wish they hired Gavin DeGraw to sing that song.
Scientologist John Travolta presents the Oscar to Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova for their song from Once! Yes! Yes! Three cheers! I love them! Hooray! "Make art!" says Glen Hansard. ...and, I LOVE that she came back out to give her thanks! She speaks beautifully about hope, and how great achievement is fair play for those who dare to dream. Fantastic!
A sad moment to remember those cinema greats we've lost this year. Kitty Carlisle Hart, I'll miss you. Suzanne Pleshette. Deborah Kerr. Ingmar Bergman. Heath Ledger, whose name fills the screen over a glorious, triumphant swell of music that feels all wrong.
Amy Adams is delightful, even as a presenter for Best Original Score. She explains the great artistic achievement that is an incredible score. They play Rocky. Everyone nodds their heads in agreement, it is awesome. Atonement wins the Oscar. Okay.
Tom Hanks tells us that the troops are still at war, and we want to include the kids in Baghdad in the 80's Annual Academy Awards. They present best docu short. They look so young. Gotta see No End In Sight. Sicko is great. Don't be scared! See it!
Now seems like a good time to mention that this year's Oscars set looks a lot like a prettier, more tasteful version of The Little Mermaid on Broadway. Those ugly columns under the sea that everyone complains about? They look like that, but more embellished and translucent.
Defamer is also liveblogging the Oscars, check it out.
Diablo Cody wins the Oscar! Holy Shit! She clasps hands with Ellen Page and Jennifer Garner is falling out of her seat. "What is happening?!?" she says, as she thanks the writers. The room is filled with love. Diablo cries and thanks her family "for loving me exactly the way I am."
Have to share what Defamer's livebloggers said about the final Enchanted performance:
We get it. Enchanted is an enchanting movie with lots of wonderful songs. Now can someone shoo Lumière and the rest of the gang of the stage? And we're officially drunk, so can someone clarify: Is that Amy Adams? Or an Amy Adamalike? And who the hell is singing? Where's Simon Cowell when you need him?! OK, we think we need a bathroom break.
Lumiere! Hilarious! Great minds,
Defamer.
Lead Actor time. Helen Mirren struts out, walking like she's got a dagger in her bodice. Roll the nominees. Wouldn't Johnny Depp be a surprise? He will have vengance. He will have salvation. The shoo-in, Daniel Day-Lewis wins, of course.
Joel Coen and Ethan Coen win the Oscar for Best Achievement in Directing. Martin Scorcese looks very, very short when standing next to them.
Denzel Washington will tell us which film will become the 80th Best Picture. Atonement, Juno, Michael Clayton, No Country for Old Men, or There Will Be Blood? No Country for Old Men wins the Oscar! Cormack McCorthy is on his feet in applause! Scott Rudin says this is a big surprise!
And that's the night. No, thank YOU, Jon Stewart.