The Recently Deflowered Girl

A blogger named Bo-Bailey discovered this book on "The Right Thing to Say On Every Dubious Occasion", and posted it in its entirety here. This is a dazzling yet demure literary gem, and prepares the reader for such scenarios as "Deflowerment at Seance," "Deflowement by Marimba Player," and my personal favorite:

Deflowered and Thrust Aside (Like an Old Glove)

Two weeks have passed since losing of flower to Method actor and he has made absolutely no attempt to see you. You are walking along street in sunshine on bright afternoon, wondering, wondering, wondering. Suddenly he appears walking in opposite direction. You recognize him by his dungarees. You smile encouragingly and say, "I hear you've been away at summer stock." He says, "In the middle of winter?"

You say (frivolously): "The theater is such mad make-believe."

You can read the whole marvelous thing here.