Questionable Cover Letter #4

My only edits are noted as redacted - everything you see above is verbatim as it appeared in the recipient's inbox.

Hey [Redacted], My name is [Redacted], i recently just moved here to LA from NYC, its a big change for me but some one has to do it, i was born and raised in NYC, I am a Professional actor, I've been in a number things and as of right now i would like to meet with you, i have heard many great things about you from my friend [Redacted] who referred me to you. I have a NY buzz, and at this moment i feel it was time to come to LA and expand, from what i have heard it seems like we can be partners in crime like Batman & Robbin (inside Joke) as of right now i am working on my supporting role in the "STILL A TEEN MOVIE" i have attached my most recent head shot and resume. I would love for us set up a meeting to see if i would like you as a manager ( Just Kidding) but i would like to see if we have a connection, and see if we can build a relationship.

[Redacted] referred me to you .

My cell phone number is : [Redacted]

As you can see, the writer of this letter has a lot of fun tricks up his sleeve. For example, when writing a cover letter, one should keep the opening sentence going as long as possible in order to avoid losing the reader's attention. When you finally do end your opening statement, keep 'em interested with something flashy like "I have a NY buzz," and then mention something that everybody loves, like comics. People love comics, especially Batman. Throw in an inside joke that you have with the person you're writing to, or if you don't have one, pretend you do. Also, mention a role you're working on, even if it is in a fictitious movie you invented inside your mind.

Assholes Talk About LA

Via Everything is Terrible

Update: Check out Kaitlin Hopkins at the 1:12 mark - thanks for the catch, Seth!

Mourning Becomes Electra gets an early death

"New Group artistic director Scott Elliott stages the work, starring Lili Taylor and Jena Malone, which began previews Jan. 27 and opened Off-Broadway Feb. 19 at The Acorn @ Theatre Row. The run was originally slated to play through April 18 but will end with the 1 PM Sunday performance on March 1. No reason for the change was given."

Perhaps it has something to do with this, in which Charles Isherwood calls the production "four hours of quicksand from which you begin to fear you will never, ever escape."

Don't Divorce My Friends

Remember Ken Starr? I know, I'd rather forget him, too. But he's back, and up to no good.

Starr filed a legal brief last month on behalf of a campaign called "Yes on 8". If it passes, it will forcibly divorce 18,000 same-sex couples that were married in California last year before the passage of Prop 8.

Watch this incredibly touching and beautiful video from the supercool, supersmart folks at the Courage Campaign. Then take matters into your own hands and sign the petition.


"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Ouch

According to VIP Hollywood Insider Nikki Finke, Frank Langella waited until Oscar voting was closed to leave his long, long, longtime agent at Innovative and move to William Morris. Langella seems like a perfect fit for WMA, notorious for repping those serious (stodgy) and seasoned (old) actors.

Why did he wait to leave until the voting was closed? Perhaps he was afraid that the academy members are hardcore Innovative supporters? Oooh, maybe there will be a big showdown of "Team Innovative" and "Team WMA" t-shirts on the red carpet. Or everyone will just stare slack-jawed at Robert Pattinson, as originally planned. Probably the latter.

truer words were never spoken

In a post titled "Batman Goes Batshit," Ken Levine drops a truth-bomb on Christian Bale's recent on-set shenanigans:

Soon we’ll see more damage control. He’ll guest on Ellen and bake a pie. He’ll join the Jonas Brothers on stage and sing “What I Go to School For”.

He’ll be charming and witty and self-deprecating. He’ll tell Oprah a heartbreaking story of going to a children’s hospital… or at least knowing someone who did who relayed the story. And all I can say is…

DON’T YOU BELIEVE IT.

When an actor becomes an absolute monster, lashing out (usually at defenseless underlings) that’s because he IS a monster.

William Goldman once wrote that from the minute stars get up in the morning until the minute they go to sleep no one says ‘no’ to them. Imagine living your life like that. Everything you want some toady gets for you. You’re allowed to be a complete flaming asshole. All because Batman sold a lot of tickets.

And for every Christian Bale shit fit that hits the internet, there must be ten other out-of-control actor outbursts that don’t. This is not to say that every star is a nightmare. Some handle their fame with grace and humanity. But there are enough of these childish temper tantrums from spoiled inbred poodles to keep directors and producers and writers and directors of photography popping Lexipro like Pez tablets.

'Nuff said.

won't you charleston with me?

Happy Friday, everyone. I hope the long President's Day Weekend affords many hours of mindless youtube enjoyment. Here's a start:

Important Stuff

As you may have heard, the New York State tax credit for film/television production has dried up. Without the incentive program, the television shows and feature films that have migrated to NYC to shoot may be packing their bags. So far this pilot season has shown not one new show planning to shoot in New York, and it's not because people are tired of aerial shots of the Brooklyn Bridge - it's because it's too pricey to shoot here without these incentives. With no new business in town, we'll be looking at one massive group of unemployed actors, writers, directors, editors, casting directors, producers... you get the idea.

Unless Governor Paterson reviews and approves more funds for the program this coming April, it's going to hit the fan.

Even if you don't work in the industry, the decision still affects you. When productions leave New York, less spending occurs within the state, and we all know what less spending does to the economy, right?

Click here to sign the Petition to save New York State's Film and TV Tax Credits.

fantastic

Listen to this right now, and then buy your own damn fries, cause you ain't Barack Obama's bitch.

I give it 2 days until the remix hits.

(Thanks Isaac, you totally made my day)

I gotta hand it to the 24 casting directors - in addition to Cherry Jones' phenomenal, ferocious turn as President Allison Taylor, we get to enjoy Janeane Garofalo and Rhys Coiro (aka Entourage's nutty director Billy Walsh) nerding out as potentially-crooked FBI agents. This week's episode also featured a heart-wrenching guest star performance from Tom Irwin of My So-Called Life. This season might not be a return to the nerve-jangling storylines of the 24's early years, but spotty writing aside, they sure do get the casting just right.

SuckWatch: Guys & Dolls

It pains me to do this, but this new Broadway revival of Guys & Dolls looks just dreadful, doesn't it? Craig Bierko, meh. Kate Jennings Grant, double meh. Lauren Graham, really? And I'm sorry, but Oliver Platt is too old and just not funny enough to do justice to Nathan Lane Detroit. There's no way this group can hold a candle to the cast of the last revival. There are a lot of haters out there, but I actually enjoy Guys & Dolls, so I'd love to be proven wrong, but for now, Guys & Dolls, you're on SuckWatch.

My spies are there this weekend, will report back on the suckitude.

(photo above is of Nathan Lane and Faith Prince, ah, the good old days!)

Update: Spies say Guys & Dolls = sucky sleepytime. Too bad! But it's still so early in previews, perhaps there's hope?